It’s been a tough couple of months.
When I wrote my last post I was feeling low and the fibro was flaring up. What I didn’t know though was that I was just at the start of a massive nose dive in both my mental and physical health.
I hit a wall and decided to take some time out from Uni (attendance but still working from home) so I could recoup and hopefully return with a new spark, ready to fight another day. That didn’t happen though.
I got sick, a fluey cold bug that’s still doing the rounds now, this knocked me down further and as anyone with Fibro knows, everything hits us so much harder. A simple cold hits us like a bus. Then the snow came at the same time and instead of getting the much needed rest I required, I was walking 6km in the snow to collect my children from school and getting them home safely.
I hate that I wasn’t able to fully enjoy those snow days with them. It’s not something we get here and it could have been so much fun. I dragged myself up and got us outside for a small amount of snow monster building and snow angel carving, memories that will hopefully stay with them, not the tired sick mom instead.
Then the car broke. It’s been two and a half weeks now that the garage have been working on her and finding parts (problem with old cars) and it’s killing me. The school runs are pretty much all I do and crashing out in between. I feel useless, I feel tired and the pain is excruciating. I never realised just how much my car meant to me, until I had to live without it, how much it actually does help me in my life. I felt like a bit of a fraud sometimes with my blue badge, that a 30 something mum of two with an illness you can’t even see, didn’t really deserve it. But actually I rely on it far more than I ever knew.
Admitting that to myself is hard, that I am ill and this is my life, possibly forever.